Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
