I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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