it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
