I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
