That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
