just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
