He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
