doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
