did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
