I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
