Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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