he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
