Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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