My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
