I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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