If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize