It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Let's get the cat blown out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
