she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
