im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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