Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize