ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
