My Higher Power is John Stamos
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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