We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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