Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
