honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
