I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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