I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
