mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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