Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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