i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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