Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
