Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
