Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
