First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
