I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My penis needs a shock collar
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
