Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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