your parents love me but you hate me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize