Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
