I wanna passion pit in your ass
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
