I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
