He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
