she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ugly people sure do ruin things
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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