I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
