Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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