That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just googled if crying burns calories
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
