could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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