Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize