I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
