I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
