in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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