White coat. Heels.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
