A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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