The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They have beer where we have blood.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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