he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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