u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
