I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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