if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My dick has a subreddit
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
