plz talk dirty to me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
