remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
