im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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