what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
