with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
