i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
