where am i from again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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