I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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