You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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