i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
